


Holidays

by Kittenmommy



Series: Loki and Pepper Potts: Conversations, Drinks, and Other Really Bad Ideas [31]
Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Humor, Bruce is everyone's Agony Aunt, Dysfunctional Family, Established Relationship, F/M, Families of Choice, Language, Mrs. Potts's A+ parenting, Thor is well-meaning but clueless in a rather endearing way, Tony Stark swears a lot, Tony has naughty dreams, Tony is a horny teenager, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-11
Updated: 2012-10-11
Packaged: 2017-11-16 03:03:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/534767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittenmommy/pseuds/Kittenmommy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Please, brother, say you will?” Thor is pleading, big blue sad puppy dog eyes in full force.</p><p>Loki sighs.  </p><p>“I can make no promises, Thor.  I believe that Lady Pepper’s family has something planned.”</p><p>“Planned for what?” Tony asks, butting into the conversation.</p><p>“Yule, Tony Stark!” Thor answers in his booming voice.  “Will you come to Asgard?  You and Hel?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Holidays

**Author's Note:**

> _The Avengers_ belongs to Marvel, and I'm not making any money from this.
> 
> * * *
> 
> Also, I _do_ realize that in 2013, Hanukkah begins before Thanksgiving... but that would really mess up the timeline of my fics ~~because I stupidly did not think to look up dates before plunging on ahead with my writings~~ , so... uh... please disregard reality while reading this installment.
> 
> Thanks, and I apologize for any inconvenience!

Tony is lounging on a sofa in his living room, looking over some specs for a new arc reactor design when Hel just _appears_.

“Hi, Honey,” she says. “I’m home!”

Tony chuckles. “How was your day?” he asks, reaching for his glass of scotch.

She comes over to sit next to him on the sofa.

“Long,” she tells him. She takes the glass of scotch out of his hand and drinks. “And exhausting.”

He waves a hand, dismissing the 3D hologram of the new arc reactor design.

“Well, don’t think about it now,” he advises, putting his arms around her and pulling her close.

Her breath is cold against his cheek.

She moves just enough to put the glass of scotch down on the coffee table, and then her arms are around him.

“Oh, Tony,” she whispers. “I’ve waited so long…”

“I know, Babe, I know…” He kisses her, and her mouth is ice and scotch. “But your dad…”

“My dad thinks you’re _amazing_ ,” Hel murmurs. “He says you’re a genius billionaire playboy philanthropist, and quite a fitting consort for me.”

Her one hand travels down from the side of his face, down his chest and body to ghost over the growing bulge in his jeans.

“Hel…”

She looks up at him, her emerald eyes luminous and dilated.

“Long have I watched Midgard,” she whispers huskily. “I know what to do.” 

She fumbles with the button and zipper on his jeans.

She finally gets his jeans undone, and her icy cold hand plunges inside and finds him ready, so ready that he spills at her touch like a hormonal teenager – 

And then Tony wakes up, moaning.

He’s in bed and Hel is beside him in the darkness, her feet by his head.

“Tony, are you all right?” her concerned voice asks.

“Shit,” he whispers. “Oh, shit.” 

He eases out of bed, intending to go into the bathroom under the cover of darkness and get himself cleaned up.

“Tony? You were _moaning_!”

“Ah… I’m fine, Hel. Go back to sleep.” 

Something about his voice must’ve been off, because Hel says, “JARVIS, lights, please!”

“No, JARVIS!” 

But he’s not fast enough; the lights blaze on and Hel _stares_.

“Tony… what…”

“Yeah, I, uh, I had a little accident,” he explains, folding his hands at crotch level in a futile attempt to cover the front of his pajama bottoms.

“Oh.” She’s frowning, but she seems to accept this explanation.

 _Great,_ he thinks. _She probably thinks I peed myself. Oh well, that’s better than the alternative…_

The lights suddenly go out again; JARVIS must’ve finally processed Tony’s order.

With a sigh, he makes his way to the bathroom and prays Hel doesn’t think to mention this incident to Loki, who would surely figure out what had _actually_ happened.

* * *

Tony finds Bruce in Lab Three, frowning down at his latest experiment.

“Got a minute?” he asks, setting his coffee on one of the lab benches.

“Sure, Tony. What’s up?”

Tony laughs. “Yeah, that’s kind of the problem.”

Bruce frowns.

“Look, is there something you can give me for… uh…”

Bruce puts his greeting together with Tony’s obvious embarrassment and jumps to the totally wrong conclusion.

“I can’t just write you for Viagra. You need to see a urologist to find out if there’s a physical cause for – ”

“Yeahhhh… that’s _really_ not the problem. The problem is… uhhh… _the opposite_ of that.”

There’s a very long silence.

“Oh,” Bruce finally says, and then: “ _Oh!_ ”

“Ever since Loki gave me that apple, I’ve been hornier than a thirteen-year-old at the Playboy Mansion. It’s embarrassing!”

“You know, most guys your age would _love_ to have your ‘problem’!”

“Most guys my age aren’t sleeping in the same bed with Loki’s daughter.”

“Yeah, you have a point.” 

“Last night was… ah, _really_ not good. And really embarrassing!”

“I can only imagine.” Bruce studies him, frowning. “Your hair…”

Tony brings a hand to his head to run through the stubble that has begun to grow.

“What about it?”

“It’s brown.”

Tony frowns. “My beard still has grey.”

Bruce nods. “Yeah, it’ll take a while for the grey to fall out and be replaced.”

“So…?”

“That apple might not have given you immortality… but I think it might’ve turned back the clock… just a bit.”

“Too bad we can’t get our hands on another one… if we could somehow bottle _that_ , we’d make a fortune!”

* * *

Tony finds Pepper and Loki in the Avengers’ living room, having a video chat with Thor.

“Please, brother, say you will?” Thor is pleading, big blue sad puppy dog eyes in full force.

Loki sighs. 

“I can make no promises, Thor. I believe that Lady Pepper’s family has something planned.”

“Planned for what?” Tony asks, butting into the conversation.

“Yule, Tony Stark!” Thor answers in his booming voice. “Will you come to Asgard? You and Hel?”

Tony blinks. “I… I hadn’t really thought about it.”

“The Lady Jane will be departing soon,” Thor says mournfully. “And I would have those I love most around me.”

“She will not stay for Yule?” Loki asks, frowning.

Thor shakes his great golden head.

“Nay, for she and her kin do not celebrate it.”

“No?”

“No, brother. Their holiday is different. It is called ‘The Festival of Lights’ and it is celebrated over eight days. She has brought with her to Asgard a great candelabrum with nine candles. Each night, a new one is lit from the one in the center and secret incantations are spoken over it… I have told Lady Jane’s parents that you are a powerful sorcerer and would dearly love to learn their spells.” He frowns. “They took great offense to this.”

“Yeah, I’ll bet,” Pepper murmurs.

“We have had feasting and singing and dancing,” Thor continues. “But soon this Festival will be over.”

“I bet the whole roasted wild boar went over _real_ well,” Tony snarks.

On the screen, Thor frowns. 

“Nay, Tony Stark, it did not. In fact, her kin were most offended when first presented with it, and I had the servants hurry it quickly away. Poor Lady Jane did much explaining that night; first to her kin, that such a feast is the greatest honor that Asgard can give, and then to me, why it was not an appropriate offering.”

“Midgardians are so _complicated_ ,” Loki murmurs.

“I have since made my most sincere apologies to her kin, for I and all of Asgard had inadvertently given them great offense, and instead we have feasted each night on fried potato fritters with a cold sauce made from apples and another cold sauce that is cream that has soured.”

Loki shakes his head at the bizarre customs of Midgardians, certain he will never understand them all.

“Strange,” he murmurs.

Thor’s face splits in a huge grin.

“Yes, brother, but delicious! There were also clever coins of false gold that when opened held sweets the like as have never been seen on Asgard! And there is a game of chance played against the candy gold pieces using a top with four sides known as a _dreidel_ that is great fun. I have thus decreed that this great Festival will be celebrated here each year, in honor of the Lady Jane and her most worthy kin.”

Tony turns away from the screen and holds a hand over his mouth. Pepper can see his shoulders shaking with silent laughter.

“So you see, brother,” Thor continues, oblivious, “why I much desire to have you and our friends here with me for Yule.”

“Well, we will have to see,” Loki says, glancing at Pepper. “I believe that we are expected to dine with Lady Pepper’s family.”

Thor’s face falls. “Oh.”

“Hey, Thor, what did your parents think of Jane’s ‘Festival of Lights’?” Tony asks.

Thor’s face brightens again. “Ah, they have embraced it wholeheartedly, for they adore Lady Jane as much as I.”

“Naturally,” Loki murmurs.

“So, really _not_ like how your dad embraced ‘Loki’s mortal whore’, huh?” Tony presses.

Thor winces. “That was not well-done of Father to say… and I am sorry that you heard it, for it brings shame on all of Asgard.”

“They were _meant_ to hear it, Thor,” Loki tells him in the same tone that one would use with a particularly stupid child.

“Yes, I suppose so,” Thor agrees with a sigh. 

“So, uh, speaking of parents… you told your mom about Loki?” Tony asks Pepper, sipping his coffee.

“Not yet,” she replies shortly.

“Ah. Wow. I’d love to be a fly on the wall for _that_ conversation,” he says, earning a dirty look from Pepper. “Well, Thor, don’t count your little bro and Pepper out just yet, OK? I have a feeling they might make it there for Yule after all!”

* * *

Bruce stares down at the crook of Hel’s elbow, where the tube is beginning to fill with blood.

“This is the third one, Hel,” he tells her. “Almost done.”

She sniffles, and he looks up at her.

“Hel? Are you OK?”

She nods, silently wiping away her tears with the back of her free hand.

“Do you need me to stop?”

“No, Bruce. It’s fine.”

Frowning, he swaps out the full tube for an empty one and watches as it begins to fill.

She sniffles again.

“Hel – ”

“It is fine,” she repeats resolutely.

The tube is full, and he slides the needle out of her vein. He releases the rubber tourniquet and places an alcohol swab at the cook of her arm, bending her elbow up.

“I can do it,” she says before he can open the bandage packet.

“All right,” he agrees, and busies himself with his new samples.

It is a moment before she speaks.

“Tony has had many women.” It’s not a question.

He looks up at her. “Yeah…”

“All kinds of women.”

He shrugs. “I guess so.”

“I am no longer rotting… am I _still_ so repulsive?”

He sets his samples down on the lab bench and comes back over to her.

“No, Hel. You’re not repulsive… why would you think that?”

She looks at the floor, and the tears run down her cheeks.

“Because he does not want _me_. I sleep in his bed, and last night…” She sighs. “He does not want me,” she repeats mournfully.

Bruce sighs. “Oh… Hel. Look… I don’t know…”

She stares at him with huge emerald eyes. “He has told you! He has told you that he… he _wants_.”

He nods wordlessly.

“And he does not want _me_.”

“Uh… I think that the thing is, your dad… well.”

She frowns. “What about Father?”

“Tony likes being _alive_.”

Her frown deepens. “Why does everyone – Tony included! – think that Father wants to kill him?”

“’Cause, you know, dads and daughters… well, it’s…” He shrugs.

“You are saying that Tony _does_ want me? And that he would pursue me, except that his fear of Father stands in his way?”

“Uh… I didn’t… wow, this is _really_ awkward.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Look, Hel, I don’t know what’s in Tony’s heart. Maybe even _he_ doesn’t know. But he’s not going to pursue you in _any_ way as long as he’s terrified of what your dad might do to him.”

She considers this, biting her lip.

“I must speak with Father,” she finally decides. She hops down off her stool and smiles down at Bruce. “Thank you,” she says, bending to kiss his cheek.

“You’re welcome, Hel.”

He watches as she practically skips out of the lab, and he’s not sure if he’s done the right thing or made a really huge mistake.

* * *

Hel finds her father, Tony and Pepper in the Avengers’ living room.

Pepper is on a video call with an older woman with fading strawberry hair.

“Mom, I’m seeing someone,” Pepper says.

Hel quietly moves to where her father and Tony are standing against the wall, out of the range of the holographic screen’s camera.

“Well, whoever he is, he’s got to be an improvement over Tony Stark,” the woman – Pepper’s mother – replies.

“Father?” Hel whispers.

“What, Hel?”

“I would speak with you… privately.”

He nods. “All right.”

Tony watches them head for the kitchen, and then turns his attention back to Pepper and her mother.

“Mom… you remember that picture on the cover of the _Daily Bugle_ the other day?”

The other woman laughs. “Yes… you and that awful man, kissing. I told your father it must have been one of those Photoshops.”

Pepper takes a breath. “It wasn’t. I was kissing him… Mom, we were kissing.”

“Explain,” she says, and her voice is like ice.

Pepper sighs. “We’re together, Mom. Loki and I, we’re a couple.”

“That is the most ghastly thing I’ve ever heard! Virginia, what in the world _are_ you thinking?”

“Mom – ”

“That alcoholic philanderer was bad enough… but I have to admit, you’ve found a way to top yourself. Congratulations!” 

“Mom – ”

“I am quite done discussing this, Virginia. You may call me again when you have come to your senses.” And she ends the call from her end.

“That went well,” Tony remarks. He crosses the room and puts his coffee down on a side table, and then takes Pepper in his arms.

Her laughter is shaky, as though she’s on the verge of tears.

“Hey,” Tony says softly. “Don’t let her get to you… it’s what she wants.”

Pepper nods, taking deep breaths to calm herself.

“She’s always been like that, right? She’s not gonna change. It wouldn’t matter _who_ you’re dating, she’d have a problem with it. Remember that one time you let Happy take you out to dinner?”

“Yeah. She reminded me that ‘we do not fraternize with – let alone _date_ – the help’.”

“So don’t let her get to you,” he repeats.

“I know,” she sighs, and puts her head on his shoulder.

“And, you know, Loki _did_ try to take over the world… not to mention what he did to this fine city.”

“Yeah, but he’s changed…”

“I know that, but not everyone does.”

She pulls away to look at him. 

“But you know my mom, Tony. It wouldn’t matter if I were seeing Thor… or _Steve_ , even; she’d _still_ find something nasty and hurtful to say, and some reason to disapprove.”

He nods. “I know, Pep.”

Loki and Hel come back in from the kitchen.

“Your mother does not approve of me,” Loki says.

“Don’t take it personally, Loki,” she tells him.

“Yeah, she doesn’t approve of _anyone_ ,” Tony adds.

“ _Me_ most of all, I think,” Pepper sighs.

Tony walks over to the bar and snags some glasses. “So, I guess it’s Asgard for the holidays,” he says, reaching for the crystal decanter of scotch.

Loki sighs. “I really would rather not.”

“Thor will be so disappointed,” Pepper says.

“No one else will miss us,” Loki says bitterly.

“Your mom will,” Tony points out. He comes over to join them. “Here.”

They take seats on the sofa and Tony busies himself pouring out drinks.

“I would rather not go to Asgard,” Hel finally says. She’s staring down at the amber depths of the glass in her hand. “It matters not what Uncle says; I will always be known as a monster there.”

Tony sips his scotch and leans back in his seat.

“OK, look,” he says. “Forget Odin Rat Bastard All-Father and Winifred Virginia Harcourt Bitchface Potts. We’re gonna have our own goddamn Christmas _right here_ , and _fuck_ everyone else.”

“Eloquent as always, Stark,” Loki murmurs, sipping his drink.

“Damn straight,” Tony agrees, and drains his scotch. “They don’t want us? Fine. _We_ don’t want _them_!”

“I think Thor actually _does_ want us, Tony,” Pepper points out.

“Yeah, but Daddy Dearest isn’t exactly on board, is he?” Tony leans forward and pours himself a new scotch from the decanter on the coffee table. “Thor’s welcome to join us here, Loki.”

“Thank you, Stark, but he will not. He is King now, and it would not be fitting for him to spend Yule away from Asgard.”

“His loss,” Tony shrugs. “We’ll get a tree… a _bigass_ tree, and we’ll put it right over there,” he says, motioning vaguely, sloshing scotch everywhere. “Hey, JARVIS?”

“Yes, sir?”

“Contact the others and let them know they’re all invited for Christmas or Yule or whatever the fuck, and everyone else can fuck right the fuck off.”

“I shall perhaps choose to word your invitation a bit differently, sir.”

“Yeah, whatever.” He sips his scotch. “And see about getting that bigass tree. I want it delivered ASAP.”

“Yes, sir,” JARVIS agrees with what sounds suspiciously like a sigh, though it might just be the heat switching on.

“Oh,” Tony says, snapping his fingers. “And Christmas specials! _Rudolph_ , _Santa Claus Is Coming To Town_ … all the classics.”

“Now archiving all Rankin/Bass productions from the main server, sir.”

“And _Charlie Brown_! _A Christmas Carol_! _Frosty The Snowman_!”

“Yes, sir,” JARVIS’s tone is one of infinite patience. “And speaking of the upcoming holiday season, you did ask me to remind you that the Stark Industries Winter Holiday Party is this weekend.”

“Shit, I _totally_ forgot.”

“Shall I put you down for ‘one’, sir?”

“Yeah… unless you want to rent me an escort.”

“I am certain you recall how well that worked out last time, sir.”

“Christ, I was _joking_ , JARVIS.”

“It is often difficult to tell, sir.”

Loki clears his throat. “Stark.”

“What? You want more scotch?” he asks, reaching for the decanter.

“No… well, yes, but that’s not what I was going to say.”

Tony leans forward to refill Loki’s glass. “Yeah, OK, say it.”

“Stark… ah… if you wish, you have my permission to court my daughter.”

The crystal decanter falls out of Tony’s hand and shatters the glass coffee table before finally hitting the floor and shattering into approximately a billion pieces.

There is a very long silence.

“What.” Tony finally says, eyes absolutely huge.

“I’ll go find a broom and dustpan,” Pepper says quietly, rising.

“I believe you heard me perfectly well, Stark.”

“I… I…” Tony says intelligently.

Pepper returns with the broom and dustpan and begins sweeping up the broken glass.

“Oh, of all the – ” Loki makes an impatient gesture, and both the coffee table and the decanter reassemble themselves.

Tony gapes at this for a moment, and then suddenly remembers why he’d dropped the decanter in the first place.

“You… you want me to…” He glances over at Hel, who’s biting her lip and staring at the floor.

Loki sighs. “It is not about what _I_ want. It is about what you and Hel want. If this is what you both want…” He makes an expansive gesture.

Pepper props the broom and dustpan up against the wall and comes back to the sofa.

“What brought this on?” she asks Loki quietly. He just gives her a smile.

Tony is still stammering his way through this. “So… you’re saying… that… that you’d be OK with…”

“ _Yes_ , Stark. Which part of ‘you have my permission to court my daughter’ was unclear to you?”

Hel gives Loki a significant look. “And?” she prompts.

Loki sighs again. “And on my word, Stark, I will not do you any sort of grievous bodily harm.”

Tony eyes him suspiciously. “That leaves an awful lot of leeway.”

Loki’s grin is pure mischief. “I believe in keeping my options open.”

“ _Father!_ ”

“Yes, all right. As long as he treats you well, he has nothing to fear from me.”

Hel is still giving him a look.

“ _On my word_ ,” Loki adds, rolling his eyes.

Tony picks up his glass and sips.

“So… uh… Hel,” he begins.

“Yes?”

“Would you like to go to that stupid Christmas party with me? It’ll be really boring, and the food will probably be bad, but – ”

“I would _love_ to go to the Christmas party with you, Tony,” she says, and her whole face is lit up with delight.

Pepper leans her head on Loki’s shoulder. “I’m proud of you,” she whispers.

Tony and Hel are deep in an animated conversation about the Christmas party: what to wear, who will be there, and a thousand other little details.

“I hope I have done the right thing,” Loki finally murmurs.

“You’re letting go and stepping back… that’s the right thing.”

“I know,” he sighs.

She finishes her drink and puts her glass on the coffee table.

“Come on,” she says, rising and tugging him to his feet.

Tony and Hel don’t even look up when they leave.

FINIS.

**Author's Note:**

> References:
> 
> My goodness, where to begin?
> 
> [Hanukkah](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanukkah), the Jewish Festival of Lights. And I don't know if Jane Foster is Jewish, but Natalie Portman is, so... *shrugs* 
> 
> [_A Charlie Brown Christmas_](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8DKh0bQsE60).
> 
> [ _A Christmas Carol_](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JiFO9-Mj-k) (yeah, that's the version I had in mind when I wrote this... Tony and I are about the same age, so it's probably the version he'd have in mind too!).
> 
> [Rankin/Bass](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rankin-Bass).


End file.
